Finding Our Daughter: An adoption story

October 28^th, 2003 we brought our daughter home from Guatemala… but the journey to adopt her began long before.

*disclaimer…the photos were taken before the availability of a remotely decent digital camera…printed, put in a scrapbook and have sat on a shelf for 13 years…to which I then took photos of the pictures on the scrapbook pages!  Please bear with the photo quality!

Hubby and I were dating…dreaming and sharing about this and that as we got to know each other…with a common thread being that we both wanted to adopt some day.  We weren’t just saying that we thought it would be ‘nice’ to adopt some day… we both WANTED it.  We never could have imagined how the story would play out.

We were married in October 1998 and went to Costa Rica on our honeymoon.  We fell in love with the Latin American culture and even talked at that time about adopting a child from that region.

We were blessed with our first son in February 2000 and our second son in August 2001.  Two rambunctious toddler boys, 18 months apart…the oldest who refused to sleep at night and little dude with medical issues that had us at over 50 doctors/therapy appointments within the first year {read his story here}.  We were newly married, new to being parents, exhausted and stressed beyond words as many of you can relate.  But still, the desire to adopt remained and by the time our second son was 10 months old we had formed a relationship with an adoption agency and started the process.  Not just 1 person thought we were crazy… many people thought we were crazy to even think of starting on this endeavor, especially at a time…maybe we were… but we marched on. God’s calling comes at crazy times my friends…the times we are at our weakest or stressed and stretched beyond measure…and this was no exception.

The process is t.e.d.i.o.u.s. and e.x.p.e.n.s.i.v.e and e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g.  The interviews & home studies where they dig in to ever crack and crevice of your life. Background checks. Finger printing. Recommendations. Paperwork. Writing checks. Paperwork. Writing Checks. Paperwork. Writing checks. The Dossier process is painstaking and time consuming.  Every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed. Paperwork. Writing checks. Hoping. Praying. Blind faith.

Even though our earliest desire was to adopt from Latin American, there was a small part of us that had interest in China.  The day our dossier was due and we had to commit to a country, we stood in our driveway with packet in hand, about ready to flip a coin (let’s be real, people, God already had the country chosen for us!) when we made the final decision to adopt from Guatemala.

Off our papers went to all its required U.S. destinations.  And by the way, we had requested NOT to get an infant.  Just being real here…infants just weren’t a good “fit” for our marriage and we had just made it through that stage with our two boys and were hanging on by a thread.  Some of you may cringe at the idea of actually wanting a toddler… but we didn’t…we wanted a little girl out of that ‘infant stage’ and to be quite honest, if she was sleeping through the night, done teething, potty trained and would eat something besides cheerios and chicken nuggets it would be a huge bonus..lol.    The agency we were with, knew of our desire but continued to tell us we would likely get an infant referral.  It’s not that we wouldn’t be happy if we got a baby girl… we’d love her to pieces and be blessed beyond measure… but we all have our calling and we were desiring an older child.  Nothing wrong with that.

As the months went on and the paperwork is off “doing its thing” in the U.S., the desire within us to have an older child grew and we prayed for it.  Around January 2003 I received a call from a friend.  She had a friend currently in the process of adopting from Guatemala and was using a different agency than we were.  Her friend had mentioned the website which had pictures of the available children so she took a peek, called me quickly and said that I had to get on and check it out and specifically said there was a girl and I’d know who it was.  I JUMPED on and within seconds I saw the face of a little girl and I KNEW it was her… it was our daughter.  I swear I heard God’s voice…He said, “This is your daughter”.   I literally had goosebumps, chills up and down my spine and arm hairs standing on end. That face.  It was her.  Our girl. Hubby agreed wholeheartedly… He saw that face of hers and was like “let’s do this!”… let’s get her!

OF COURSE it was late on a Friday afternoon and Monday our Dossier (with the other agency) was to leave for Guatemala!  I called this new agency desperate to quickly find out as many details as I could about this little girl.  Her name, age, circumstance, etc.  She had the sweetest name, was born a month after #2 son (so she was 16 months old at this point), jokingly I asked if she was still teething and if by chance she was potty trained to which the voice on the other end said “no and yes” and then went on to say what an awesome sleeper she was and how she ate like a champ!  I was cracking up and crying at the same time!  Now… there are a lot of adoption agencies out there.  Some are legit and some are not.  I’m sure you’ve heard the horror stories.  We had less than 60 hours to make a decision if we were cancelling our contract with the first agency to pursue this little girl or sticking with the original course.  The new agency was able to give me the name of a family that was further in the process with them that I could speak to and get “the scoop” as best as possible.  So I did.  And we heard everything I needed to hear.

We quickly called the original agency and said STOP…And at the speed of light had to transfer everything to the new agency to take over and be matched with our girl.  I don’t think either of us slept that weekend. Too much to do and our minds were racing.  Of course there was the reality that all the money we had paid so far to the other agency was going to be lost…gulp…Guatemala was already the most expensive country to adopt from… leap of faith…up the equity line and figure it out later.

Each month our adoption agency would go to Guatemala, meet with their partners there and all the kids currently matched would have their check-ups and then be brought to a hotel where they had rented out a large conference room.  There they would have pictures done, videos taken and receive care packages from their families in the U.S.  Sending mail down there was a 99% chance not to arrive due to so much mail theft.  Receiving the package of pictures and the video each month in the mail was our lifeline to her.

One of the amazing thing about Guatemalan adoptions at this time was that you could actually go visit your child which is a huge blessing and gives them time to become familiar with you and you with them.  We weren’t passing up the opportunity, so, 2 months later, hubby and I were on a flight to Guatemala to meet our daughter.    Of course our suitcase was filled with sweet little girl clothes, toys & books (with notes translated in to Spanish), pictures of us and our home, items for the foster family to care for her such as toiletries and vitamins.  We also sent a disposable camera so that we’d have pictures of her day to day life in her foster home.

I am not sure you can even begin to imagine the emotions we were feeling when we arrived in Guatemala and even more so the next morning when we’d meet her.  It’s a crazy experience that I am not sure how to adequately put in to words.  {btw…word got out at the church we were attending that we were in the process to adopt from Guatemala and there was another family doing the same so her husband joined us on the trip to go visit his baby girl as well}

We approached the door to which we knew she was inside and stepped in. We scanned the room. Hearts racing. Palms sweating. Heart overflowing. there.she.was… Our.daughter.  So surreal. This little girl we’d been staring at pictures of and watching in videos… this little girl that had captured our hearts… was sitting 10 feet from us.  Now of course if we had rushed over there and swooped her up and starting hugging and kissing her and spewing English words at her she probably would have started to scream… so we had to play it cool…just a bit.  We walked over and knelt down to her level. I could not believe I was actually looking at our daughter… staring in to the biggest most beautiful dark eyes ever. The most beautiful smile. The most beautiful tan skin. Oh.my.word.   My heart was bursting.  We sat down and gently lifted her on to our laps, fully equipped with a jar of bubbles to engage her {we were very thankful for that tip!} and she bounced on our lap and smiled and giggled and it was pure joy. pure love. pure heaven…we had our daughter {and met her foster mom}.

So, we were able to keep her with us at the hotel for a few days. How cool is that?   Bubble baths, bedtime kisses, playing with her hair, dressing her up, napping on daddy’s chest, a trip to the zoo, a trip to a museum and the market in Antigua, out to dinners… side note here… back home we have two boys who survive off of chicken nuggets & cheerios… no joke… and this little one was taking mushrooms and tomatoes off of our plates and turning her nose up at cookies!  It was too funny and it became a game of how many foods we could get her to try and the only thing she said no to was sweets!

5 Blissful days with our girl.  A gazillion pictures taken.  Every square inch of that sweet face studied.  We got to know her foster mom, who was so head over heels in love with our girl.  She was receiving the best of care and the love of Christ.  Oh, we were so blessed!  But the time came and we had to give her back, knowing she was in good hands but broken hearted at the same time.  My heart was crushed and tears streaming as we said goodbye.

Not long after we returned home  we received an envelope in the mail.  It is part of the process for there to be a DNA test done for birth mother/baby.  Just a normal step… but what we found inside the envelope was anything but normal.  The birth mother’s name was correct but the name of the child and birth date was not our daughter…the date on it was that of an infant.  We scratched our head and called our agency.  They did some digging and we then got a call we were not expecting.  Our daughter had a baby sister {they had also received the “wrong test”}.  Our daughter was relinquished a month before her sister was born. We heard two stories…  #1 the birth mom didn’t request for them to stay together…she just wanted them both to have a family and #2 because the girls were relinquished at different times the attorney that handled the adoption process on the Guatemala side didn’t put two and two together and the girls were matched with different families.  Either way, the reality hit that she had a sister and we could do nothing about them being separated.  I won’t go in to details… it was done… they would grow up separate, but equally loved.  What I do know is that if we hadn’t gotten the “wrong envelope”, we never would have known she had a sister.  While I grieved, we were so blessed that God chose to reveal this to us in what appeared to be a “mistake”.  From that point on we were in touch with her sister’s adoptive family and were so thankful.

A few months later I was heading down again to visit my girl. This time the mom from church was coming along and we’d spend the week there together in the same hotel room with our daughters.  It’s not really safe down there to be out and about with these kiddos {someone forgot to pass that info on to us for our first trip}…#1 they are not legally yours yet, #2 we didn’t speak Spanish and #3 it’s in general just not a safe place, so we were in the hotel most of the week and did our best to entertain these two munchkins.   She warmed up to me very quickly and was soon calling me “mama”.  We soaked in every bit of hugs and cuddling possible and got to spend some time with her foster family.  I asked them soooo many questions.  The little things that a mommy needs to know and was so blessed to have that opportunity {who gets to have that opportunity!!!}.  The odds of meeting the foster family in a foreign adoption is roughly 99% you won’t… ever… and here we were… our second time with them.  They had even taken pictures of her life with them from the moment they started to foster her so her adoptive family would have them!  They loved her like their own daughters… a crazy true love.  How did we get so blessed that God hand-picked this foster family for her? And as if this time spent with her foster family wasn’t just amazing enough, the next big blessing happened.  We were in the hotel conference room while the kids were there for their monthly visit, playing and enjoying meeting some other adoptive parents.  I look over and on the couch is a the most beautiful baby with those chubby legs and big brown eyes just lounged back on the couch.  I asked who it was and they said IT.WAS.OUR.DAUGHTERS.SISTER!  I immediately began to tear up.  What were the odds of these two girls ever being together as babies?  This was the first time!!!  And what were the odds of me being there on that exact day?  God is so good and so full of miracles to pour out on our undeserving souls… again, how many adoptive kids get this blessing?  Getting a picture of these two moving targets wasn’t the easiest but we managed and it’s a moment I will always treasure.

As our visit drew to a close my heart just sank.  I was her mama and she was my girl.  My friend took her from me and walked her down to the lobby.  She kept turning back for me… saying “mama…mama” and reaching her hand out….and as the hotel room door shut and her voice became more distant, I sank to the floor in tears.

Guatemala has a very corrupt government and there were many things about the adoption process government wise and with the adoption attorney assigned to us there that you just had to look past it all.  There was no central adoption process with attorney’s being able to do what they want, when they want, for whatever price they want.  Getting paperwork signed often required payoff’s and at one point we heard that our attorney there had fled due to some legal issues he was being pursued for {who knows the real story}.  And from where we were sitting, there was nothing we could do.  Getting updates was almost impossible.  No computerized system at the courthouse {called PGN} so if you did call and they were willing to even help you, they had to physically search through stacks of papers on desks to find your file.  On top of all of that…soon after our return home from the 2^nd trip, we got the unsettling news that adoptions in Guatemala had been halted.  The pressure was on Guatemala to join the Hauge Convention and so all “in process” adoptions came to a screeching stop with no word on when or if they would be opened again!   For those of you not familiar with the Convention here are a few facts.

• The Convention requires that countries who are party to it establish a Central Authority to be the authoritative source of information and point of contact in that country. The Department of State is the S. Central Authority for the Convention.
• The Convention aims to prevent the abduction, sale of, or trafficking in children, and it works to ensure that inter-country adoptions are in the best interests of children.
• The Convention recognizes inter-country adoption as a means of offering the advantage of a permanent home to a child when a suitable family has not been found in the child’s country of origin.

So in a nutshell, the attorneys also would not be able to make as much money off of the adoptions and they would have someone to answer too. All these are good things…  but they fought back and literally went on what would be similar to a strike.  Why would they want to make less money off of these adoptions?

Months went by with no word. No hope. No nothing as far as the legal process.  We continued to receive monthly updates and we treasured them and at the same time it broke our hearts more and more that we didn’t know if she’d every fully be ours.  There were days I was so sad I could barely get out of bed.  I felt deep mama pain in my heart and there was nothing I could do… but pray…so pray I did and cry I did.  Her room was ready…and…empty.  Her closet and drawers were full.  Her brothers had been moved in to share a room.  All we were missing was her.  All we needed was 1 more piece of paper signed and stamped by the court and we could go get her.  1.piece.of.paper.  We went back and forth with the adoption agency every few days… searching for a speck of something to encourage us.

The day we received the call that all adoptions that were already “in process at a certain point” would be moved through the system was one of the most joy filled days of our life.   Not long after, her sister was home with her forever family  and we still continued to wait…and then, the day came…the phone call came…we got the final red stamp…the final signature…the heavens poured out blessings on us.

A few little things left to take care of from the Guatemala side and it was time to bring our girl home.  My bestie, who happens to speak Spanish, came with me…oh, what a blessing and oh how quickly our girl was climbing all over her and had quickly given her a nick name “Lee Lee”.  We met the foster family at the hotel, sat with them for hours, asking every imaginable question and letting them love on her one last time.  It was a very tearful and bittersweet time full of indescribable joy for us and indescribable heartbreak for them. Of course they were so happy for her to be coming home with us but she had become one of them, they loved her with all of their heart & soul and this was a huge loss for them.  The next day we were at the US Consulate finishing up paperwork, getting her passport and all our ducks in a row.

It was time to go home…home sweet home.  She was extremely well behaved on the flight, so happy and content all the time.  On the other end daddy and brothers were waiting, friends & family too.  As we came up the escalator #1 son ran to his new little sister with a bouquet of flowers, a giant hug and kiss and a smile on his face that was HUGE.  He just kept staring at her and smiling at her and it was cute beyond words.  #2 son ran to me and super-glued himself to my body, wanting nothing to do with this creature I had toddling along beside me.  He was mad mama had left and was completely uninterested in this new little human…he just wanted me.

So this little Guatemalan princess was now 25 months old, being strapped in a car seat for the first time in her life, driving on paved roads only to arrive at a home that looked like a castle compared to where she had been living, brought up to see her bedroom and given a tour of the house by her big brother.  She must have felt like she had just been dropped on to a different planet.  No one spoke her language, nothing familiar, all new EVERYTHING.

Welcome home princess, a new chapter in your life begins now.

Adoption is H.A.R.D…it’s not for everyone…we’re not special… we were just called to do it.  The process isn’t easy…it’s painful…for us it was way more intensive than our pregnancies.  The adjustment isn’t easy, the years ahead aren’t always easy, but that’s what you sign up for when you say yes to be a parent whether it’s biological or adoptive or fostering or whatever.  You don’t know the road ahead, you just take that step called blind faith and He’ll give you what you need every step of the way.

 You can’t even begin to imagine what happened when she returned to Guatemala 9 year later on a mission trip… you’ll have to stay tuned for that! 

Do you have an adoption story?  Please share!