Hello.
While I have been quiet in blog land, life has been anything but quiet. It’s been really loud. It’s been busy and uncertain and unpredictable and without routine. It’s been emotionally suffocating. It’s been claustrophobic. It’s been physically exhausting. It’s been lonely. It’s tested me and pushed me and stretched me and knocked the wind out of my sails. It’s been a long, hard late winter & spring and I’m not quite sure when relief is in sight as summer hasn’t been too kind so far.
So, I told myself…promised myself…when I started my blog that I would only write when I truly ‘felt’ it. I didn’t ever want it to be that I had to write on a schedule even if my heart had nothing to share. I follow a lot of blogs…things and people I’ve grown to love…but I’ve also learned that they often pump out posts and are present on social media because they “have to”…because it’s their “business”. Nothing wrong with that at all…it’s just not that season for me right now. I’m no blogging rock start and I didn’t want to put pressure on myself. It just needed to be when my heart had something to say… not necessarily to anyone but myself…but maybe in that it would bless or encourage someone else. So the trouble is that my heart has had A LOT to say but these trials of late have kept me from being able to write… my head and heart are near exploding and need time to pound it out on the keyboard… to create… to let my thoughts free.
Maybe the first few sentences of this post didn’t sound so encouraging… but it’s just the simple truth. It’s. been. Hard. And the truth of the matter is that it could be so.much.worse. and even in the H.A.R.D. I am blessed beyond measure and some days (more than not), you’ve just gotta go jump in the puddles and laugh or you’ll just go insane trying to make sense out of so much senseless!
We spent January & February packing and letting go of our “home” of 16 years. {simple emotional task, right?}
Moved February 28th in to a 2 bedroom/1 bath apartment {5.of.us….yes, you did the math correctly… 3 teens sharing one bedroom and hubby and I on trundle beds in an “office” size bedroom}.
Started what was supposed to be a 5 week “cosmetic” renovation on our new home, which turned in to renovation H.E.L.L. {I mean, what’s a little mold, water damage, structure damage, termites in your walls?}. So, this little project is still going strong. Don’t believe ANYTHING you see on HGTV. You see, when there is a problem with a reno, the homeowners get that 1 call from the contractor that says they found 1 thing wrong that will cost “X” thousand dollars. The homeowner is bummed, naturally, but of course says go ahead and fix it. I mean, in all reality, you can expect to find some hidden surprises that are going to cost you. Just would the luck of our family have it… we received those calls multiple times per week…and week after week… and ultimately had to tear the house down to the studs… but that’s for another post entirely when I sort through the 100’s of pictures and can pull myself together enough to actually write about it. I’ve been to enough 3rd world countries and have lived enough to know that this is a 1st world “problem”. We all have beds, air conditioning, a roof over our heads, cars in the driveway, our health and, most importantly, Jesus. We are blessed. We are also flat broke. We’ll get through it. I can tell you that if we could find competent workers that had even an ounce of work ethic we’d be much further along. It’s unreal.
It’s actually quite comical some days when someone continues to ask “do you know where _______ is”? and the answer is, “It’s in a box in the basement”… that’s no lie…no joke… just go sift through the 300 boxes that used to be labeled and organized which have now been moved no less than 10x as contractors needed to get here or there, covered in construction debris, water, etc {because we had to tear the sub floor out which they started doing without warning and nothing below was covered}. So we had each only packed what we needed for about 6 weeks to get us through winter and then we’d be moved in and be unpacked, living happily ever after in time to thoroughly enjoy spring and summer……….. UM… not happening… we’ve all been wearing the same clothes over and over, have had to go out and buy duplicates of all the stuff along the way that we need but can’t find in the sea of boxes. Moving is bad enough. Renovations should be left to Chip & Joanna Gaines. Of course with moving comes change. New Church. Trying to find new normal. Making new friends {tough on teens for sure and hard for adults}. Figuring out how to cope without Whole Foods ½ mile from your house {The struggle is REAL, folks}. Now I drive 30 minutes for groceries and it ain’t Whole Foods!!!. The dream of the big garden {a.k.a. grow your own food} died {for the time being} after the 10th phone call of something else needing to be torn out! And if I’m being honest.. I CAN’T COOK IN A 6′ X 10′ KITCHEN… it’s like being on the show “Survivor”…. So, anyway… details and pics to come on this renovation… you REALLY won’t believe it all!!!
It’s easy to dream of new beginnings but the reality is far from easy.
At the end of March we reflected on the 1 year loss of my hubby’s father…the most amazing father-in-law I could have ever asked for…a man who served our country for over 35 years…who loved the Lord…who lived to serve others. I miss him. I miss his laugh, his wisdom, his smile, his stories, his positive outlook on life, his servant heart. Everything.
A few weeks later we reflected on the 1 year loss of our 5 year old puppy. Lost his battle with Lymphoma. Crushed. Our. Hearts. Your family dog isn’t supposed to die at 5 years old! We’ve started to look at dogs {I’m just researching breeds…everyone else is like looking to bring one home now}…but let’s be real here… 5 people in 2 bedrooms…renovation hell…kids working part time jobs…hubby traveling… no “normal” routine or anything about our days. Is it REALLY a “good time” to throw a puppy in the mix? Do I really need to walk a dog 27x per day {including those fun middle of the night “puppy has to potty” trips}? Do I need to focus on training? Do I need to trip over dog toys & water bowls when we are already tripping over anything and everything because there is nowhere to put stuff away in this tiny space? Shall I set the crate on top of the kitchen table or better yet just throw a table cloth over the crate and make it our table or push my bottom trundle bed under and share a twin bed with my hubby so the dog crate can go in our “bedroom”? Seriously people…this is NOT a good time to get a dog!!! If hubby sends me one more “free” dog post from Facebook or Craigslist I think I’ll SCREAM!
In the midst of all this “fun” we did manage to build a chicken koop & run… I mean, it did include 120 fights and just as many trips to Home Depot, but now our furry little girls are about 18 weeks old, quite entertaining and living in a really cute koop. I could do without all the chicken poop and you really never know when they are going to drop one on you so just be prepared… now we just watch the clock tick and the calendar days come and go in anticipation of the first egg! Based on the cost to acquire the furry creatures, build the coop & run and get all the supplies, we figure the cost of the first 20 dozen eggs should be roughly $200 each or so.
I’ll get all the details of this fun adventure uploaded at some point, too. It was fun restoring and re-purposing so many of the things we got from the old barn we bought. {we’ve also been back and forth continuing to take the barn apart and move it to our property}. If you didn’t get to read about that dream come true check it out!
March 30th-April 2nd was supposed to be a nice weekend for hubby and I ALONE. All three kiddos were signed up to go on a church retreat literally 1.5 miles from our house… we would have our cozy cottage to ourselves. April 1st on the way back from shopping for lighting fixtures {yes, this was after a relaxing morning watching YouTube videos of how to care for chickens…we really know how to party when the kids are gone}, we got a call. It was the youth pastor… not a good sign. Ever. Little dude had fallen after giving his best shot to catch a football pass. He came down wrong and dislocated his knee. One would hope this was just a REALLY BAD APRIL FOOLS JOKE… but it wasn’t. Yes, it was the kid that has already had 5 foot surgeries. We went and picked him up… tears…swollen knee… saddest face ever {the accident magnet of the family} and off to the local children’s hospital. Yep…dislocated. Yes, we know the drill… elevate…ice… get those essential oils cranking… no weight bearing… find the crutches in the sea of boxes…make PT appointment… blaa…blaa…blaa……. Thankfully {and yes, an answer to prayers} he didn’t end up needing surgery.
My birthday and mothers day were a disaster this spring. Best laid plans. Insert Cranky teens who really aren’t interested in what you want to do with your “special day” so I think I’ll take a “do over” and go do something alone! BUT Thank goodness for a girls weekend with some of my favorite ladies. Lots of sweet friendship time and I came home renewed and refreshed {temporarily!}
We had a significant emotional situation with our family in May which just knocked me to the ground. It’s something I knew was coming, so the lead up to it was harder than hard and then dealing with the actual event was emotionally suffocating and now processing it all on the other side is not fun. For a few weeks I didn’t even remotely feel like a human being and felt like I had a 1000# brick attached to my heart. Sigh. I’m still trying to shake it off. It’s a story to tell at another time.
Of course the end of year paperwork for homeschool records is a time sucker and by February/March every year I swear I will never do it again… it’s the big yellow bus next year…
and then next year comes and I embrace homeschool all over again. I am pretty much tied to stacks of paper, scanner and computer for two weeks at the end of each semester getting each child, subject, grades organized, scanned, uploaded, submitted, etc. Then for 2nd semester there is all the planning and registration for the next school year. Jump on board the front seat of the crazy train!
So, back to the renovation… the standard answer when anyone asks when we’ll be able to move in is “5-6 weeks” and every time I say that I mean it… but then something else happens…. again and again and again and again… so here we are now… July 12th and I can safely say “it will be 5-6 weeks”… but if ya’ll don’t mind praying that it actually happens this time I’d greatly appreciate it. It’s getting too cozy in here… we’ve bonded too much… we are D.O.N.E. and oh how I’d love for us to be moved in before school starts mid-August!!! Pray B.I.G.
So, that’s what’s been going on in a nutshell. I want to write. I have a lot to write. I have a lot to share from my heart. Oh, how I can’t wait to have unpacked all these boxes, have my new office set up, over-looking the fresh grass and adorable chicken koop in the back yard. Life is anything but quiet and the time will come that I will be able to sit and write and nurture that part of me and share with you. God is up to something… He always is! And I am learning to embrace country life in it’s entirety {ok, except the grocery store situation!}
It’s just lovely from our end seeing all the wonderful summer vacation photos and family gatherings on social media… I mean, we’re not jealous or anything!!!!!!!! I mean we love hanging drywall in a house where there is no air conditioning day in and day out in 90-degree weather. I can’t help but look back on this exact time last year when we were on such an amazing family trip to Alaska! I’m not without HOPE but I think I’d rather be there than here!
I’ll be back…soon
What have you been up to? Comment below…
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